


Ignore The Little Voice

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22895074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Herbert has loved Philip for as long as he could ever remember, but the little voice in the back of his head keeps reminding him of what his father has taught him.
Relationships: Philip "Pip" Pirrup/Herbert Pocket
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Ignore The Little Voice

Herbert could remember since a young age he had been told that marriage was between a man and a woman. Marriage was exclusively for them, and any homosexual couple who dared try to engage in such an act as holy as that were destined to burn in the brimstone engulfed in bright golden flames. It had always puzzled him- weren’t people supposed to be allowed to love each other? Why couldn’t two men or two women love each other and marry as a man and woman could? He’d remember back to the time his father and him had gone out to do something together, and his father had stopped him in his tracks by grabbing his shoulder. He’d point in the distance and scowl, the grip on the smaller boy’s shoulder tightening just slightly. It was two men- holding  _ hands _ . Herbert seemed quite puzzled at first. They weren’t doing anything terribly wrong, had they? Homosexuals just couldn’t marry, that’s what he had been told- why did his father seem so disgusted by them sharing affection as any other human would?

“I pray to Him day by day that you don’t turn out like one of them,” his father would say in a gruff voice, glancing down to the boy with a grunt. “I need no more problems in my life as it is. I just hope He listens to me as he always does and you turn out  _ normal _ .”

It was on nights just like this where that scene would play over and over in his head like a broken record. His father, at this point, was long gone.. He had died from alcohol poisoning quite a few years before-  _ he had always been a drinker _ . He said it had numbed the pain and allowed him to forget what he didn’t want to remember. 

Herbert knew he wouldn’t turn out like him, he knew deep down in his heart that he wouldn’t; however, every belief pushed onto him by his father stained his mind and clouded his vision as he tried to figure himself out day by day. He felt pressured as if his father was watching down on him, a bottle of booze in hand as he leaned on the porch railing with a look of disappointment. He must’ve knew the thoughts running through his head, didn’t he?

The thoughts of liking a boy. His bestest friend, to be exact. Philip Pirrup.

Nowadays, that shouldn’t be much of a problem with how society has grown to accept gay men and lesbians, as well as slowly but surely acceping transgender individuals, so why was he so worried about these feelings? Well, it was mostly the desire he still had to follow his father’s footsteps and to make him happy, even if he had passed, but at the same time he always had the strong urge to admit his feelings to his dear friend; however, he simply couldn’t allow himself. There was always a voice in the back of his head which would berate him for even considering doing anything like that, and God forbid if he started thinking about doing anything with other men! Whether it be hugging, kissing, or doing a lot worse, the voice would always be there to put him back into his place, like his father had with the belt. 

Sometimes, the voice would be too late- Herbert would begin thinking about Philip as he had done many times before, mostly in his room with the door locked, pants down around his ankles and his face resting against his hand as he let out small noises. He always felt terrible afterwards- he felt like he had let his father and himself down by doing what he did, but sometimes he didn’t regret it. Thinking about Philip was something he loved to do, even if the little voice in the back of his head was telling him it was terribly wrong. Even if it told him God would hate him, or that he’d burn in hell for doing things like that while he thought about  _ Philip _ . It was always Philip nowadays, nobody else. He’d think about running his hands through the blond’s soft hair which never had knots and tangles, how soft his lips would feel against his own, and especially how it’d feel to have him on top of him.

This time around, however, Herbert would stop himself from thinking any further, staring down at the paper in front of him at his desk as he anxiously gnawed at the top of his pen. This was terrible… so, so terrible. He couldn’t even focus on his work, he was getting far too distracted! A whine would slip from his throat and his leg would bounce under the desk, Herbert setting the pen down and pushing the chair back to stand. He couldn’t focus, he had to make some tea to keep his mind off Philip. He made his way out to the kitchen and filled the kettle with water, setting it onto the stove so that the water would boil. It was only minutes after the kettle was set that he heard a knock on the door.

“Oh, who could that be this late?” Herbert let out a small sigh and made his way to the door, turning the lock and opening the door only to be greeted by the face he had been thinking about before- Philip.

“Herbert!” The blond would chirp with a grin, tipping his cap forward. “It’s been a while, I’ve been thinking about you! I’m so terribly sorry for dropping in unannounced or without any warning, I am, but I just really need to talk! You surely don’t mind, do you? You’re not busy?”

… Philip had been thinking about him as well? Well, surely not in the same way Herbert has! Herbert would hesitate before sighing and offering a smile, stepping to the side and gesturing for his dear friend to enter. “I’m not busy, not at all! You may come in, Philip. If you need to talk at this time of day, it must be awfully important!”

“Oh, it is! I’ll even take you out for a quick dinner after we talk if time does allow… and if you’re not busy with any work!” The smaller Brit would tip his cap as he entered, pushing his shoes off by the shoe mat as he looked around. “Hasn’t changed a bit since the last time I visited, has it?” 

“No, I don’t particularly enjoy changing things up that much. I like things to stay the same in my home!” Herbert would smile and shut the door once Philip had made his way inside, moving over by his side and resting a hand on his shoulder. “I set the kettle to boil some water for tea, so you came at just the right time. I’ve got a variety in the kitchen, come!” Herbert led the way to the kitchen as he reached into the cabinet, taking out many different coloured boxes with different labels, different brands, and different flavours. “You may look through them, but I could perhaps make a suggestion as to what you should try?”

Philip’s eyes had lit up as soon as he had seen all of the varieties, looking through the boxes and humming softly. “Oh, I just can’t pick one myself… Herbert, choose for me, please?”

“Oh, not a problem at all! I would be overwhelmed, too, if it were my first time seeing all of this!” Herbert picked up a pale beige and black box, showing it to Philip with a smile. “French Vanilla! It’s such a lovely taste and smell, you must try it!”

“I’d love to try it then if that’s what you recommend.” Philip grins and takes a seat on one of the stools at the counter, hands folding in his lap as he intently watches Herbert. His face is that of curiosity and admiration, watching Herbert put the tea boxes back into the cabinet in exchange for the tea cups. “So have a seat while we wait for the water to boil? Just so I can get started on talking…”

“Oh, yes, of course- I only just put the water on a few minutes ago, we have time before the kettle begins to scream.” Herbert nods and takes a seat by Philip, now giving him his full attention as he cleared his throat. “You may begin talking, if you wish… you seem awfully nervous.”

“I am…  _ very _ nervous. You’re the first person I thought I could talk to about this… I just hope you don’t hate me for it, or just- just stop talking to me altogether. Oh, dear.” Philip sighs and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he gathers his thoughts. “Herbert… I do believe I’m- oh, dear…”

“Philip, I won’t hate you for  _ anything _ . I promise you that, you mean the world to me.” Again, Herbert’s hand is settling on Philip’s shoulder, gently rubbing circles with his thumb as a smile comes across his freckled face. “Go on, please?”

“Right… right, I trust you. Herbert… I believe I like men, and- and I believe I like  _ you _ . You’ve always been there for me, you’ve always been the greatest friend in the whole world, but… but I love you. I love you and I want to be with you.” 

Herbert’s mouth felt dry and he stared at Philip as if he were a deer in headlights, and he was only able to snap out of it when he saw the tears start to pool in the corner of Philip’s light blue eyes. “Oh, Philp, no tears-” Herbert managed to choke out, slowly standing and pulling the other into a hug. Philip would let out a small sound akin to that of a whine as he hid his face in the other’s shoulder, arms wrapping around his chest in return. The redhead wasn’t quite sure how to feel- he loved Philip. He loved him so much, thought about him as often as a stray dog thought about its next meal, but the little voice in the back of his head scolded him for even considering to say the feelings were returned. It threatened him with more scars, more blood dripping down his arm later that night when they were alone- but Herbert, for once, managed to push the voice away even after it had started getting louder and louder. He slowly pulled back from the hug and brought his hands to Philip’s cheeks, sighing softly and running his thumb gently over his face to wipe the tears. “Philip… I-... I love you too. I love you too, okay? I love you so very much. I have for years.” As soon as those words left his mouth, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It felt like he was flooded by a tsunami of relief, and his worries were gone. Philip looked up to him with his big blue eyes and began to giggle out of relief, slowly sliding off the stool he had sat on to stand before Herbert. His face was still cupped by the redhead, and he used his hand to go to the back of Herbert’s neck, carefully and slowly pushing him down closer to him. Closer to his face, to his lips… until they connected. 

Philip wrapped his arms fully around the taller’s neck and would smile against Herbert’s lips, not exactly knowing how the other felt. There was no resistance from him, and soon enough Herbert had begun to kiss back.

Even when the kettle began to scream, they would continue to kiss, Herbert relishing in the moment he had longed for for years- the moment he knew for a fact his heart belonged to Philip, and Philip’s to him.

**Author's Note:**

> yes the second chapter will involve them fucking. obviously. you think i'd add herbert thinking of pip sexually and NOT add a second chapter of first time sex? coward. you buffoon.


End file.
